As a woman, we go through many different thought processes and feelings in a single day.
For me, I know that when my hormones are raging, I become hard to be around. I suddenly cry for no reason, I become insecure and pick up on everything little thing I can that is guaranteed to make me feel worse.
It's hard when you start to see someone new. You are all of a sudden having to trust this new being, You fall head over heels in love with them and then the panic sets in. The What If's begin, you start to self destruct before you have even started. I'm in this position now. I panic every day about these feelings I have. I worry that in typical Princess Ames style, everything will go horribly wrong and I will be left with yet another failed mess to clear up.
How do you re-programme yourself? How do you become the relaxed, content and totally secure person you want to be? I mean in all fairness, it's not like I'm in a relationship. We aren't ready for that and although I find it difficult not having something official, I also know that I'm happy and enjoying what I have got at this moment in time. Yet I can't stop the niggles. The thoughts that plague you. Do men go through this? Do men sit there wondering why they haven't met the parents or friends yet? Do they sit there thinking "Hang on a minute, am i doing the right thing here?" I'd assume not. If they do... It's never mentioned in polite conversation.
So being a woman is tough. Really tough. We have all these emotions and hormones and they DO make you crazy. They make you suspicious and fragile and neurotic. Why should I care that Facebook still thinks I'm single? I guess the sad truth is that as women, we feel the need to KNOW we are wanted. That confirmation that YES you are giving your heart to the right person.
I'm going to make damn sure I push all these thoughts and worries to the back of my mind and live for what I have now. I'm not Bridget Jones, I'm not Elizabeth Bennett and I sure as hell am not Cinderella.
I'm Amy. I have someone very dear to me who makes me laugh and spends time with me, so that for now, means the world to me. Yes I do love him and for that reason I am happy to be whatever it is that we are.
