Being a single parent is harder than i actually imagined it to be. Not in a financial sense. I can handle that aspect. But the physical and emotional drain as you watch your child go through a range of emotions each and every day is so unbelievably sad. It breaks you in two. You can't stop it happening and ultimately it was YOU and your decision that did it.
Yes i know that my decision ultimately would have affected everyone but it was something i didn't choose to do lightly. It wasn't a flip decision and was well thought out. I just hate that I am the sole cause of my child's trauma.
As a mother, it's soul destroying to see your child so upset and angry at you and at the world. I hate what i have done to him. I know that in time it will become easier but for now i must shoulder the burden alone.
I can't say I have all the answers, I really don't. I cannot say that everything will be ok because I know that there is a good chance that things will only get worse. I just hope I can do some damage limitation so that he doesn't grow to hate me.
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