Why do we try to change people?

Is it just me who has this inbred need to "Rescue" people?


Most of my exes have had problems and certain personality quirks that i have thought possible to change. Rather foolishly i might add as we all know you cannot change someone who doesn't want to change.


I do think that as a race we do have this need to mould people to be how we'd like them to be. Perhaps we want them to be more like us so we don't feel quite so alone in our misgivings. I know that i am a complete pain in the arse. I know that i have many flaws and i could quite happily list them right now. So why, when i am so acutely aware of my downfalls, do i try so hard to cure other people's? What on earth possesses me to want to make others better?  


Let's face it, we are what we are. We all pick up little quirks as we grow. We are influenced by those around us,  our parents, our friends, the TV, newspapers etc and so as we grow we become adults who are all so completely different in our make up. Even genetics does to some degree play a part. Yet we attract people so completely alien to ourselves and we just can't seem to accept that not everyone is the same. We know we MUST accept it but a small part of us always seems to think "Hang on a minute, if i keep trying then maybe i can just change this bit" 


The answer to that is No, you can't change it. Leave it alone. It doesn't belong to you. Why on earth would you want to change someone? Why on earth would you wish for them to be someone else when you were attracted to them as they are in the first place? Don't get me wrong, i think every man would love to change how often his woman wanted sex and no doubt every woman would want to change how often a man chucks his mucky pants on the floor next to the wash basket, but in all seriousness if your partner/friend had things about them you didn't like... why on earth are you spending time with them in the first place?


Of course there are exceptions to this, some people are after all very good at hiding their secret parts that they know no one will accept at a first glance. I'm sure Fred West sure as hell never introduced himself to people as "The crazy bloke who likes to slaughter innocent women" 
But... if things are obvious from the get go... if you fall for a man for instance who likes to be with his friends when you want someone who will be with YOU all the time, why do you stick around? Why do you assume that he will be so taken in by your womanly charms that he will completely forget who he has been for the past 30 years? He won't. Accept it. Move on.


We need to learn to accept people for who they ARE not who we would like them to BE. I'm never going to be a size 8 with perfect abs and smooth peachy skin. Then again i am quite funny and i like to think that my personality has it's attractions. So why do i worry how people see me? Surely those who matter would love me regardless and wouldn't want to change me? 


Unfortunately though i am one of those people who tries to change herself to suit others. The worst kind of person there is. I try so hard to fit into little boxes that i forget i already have my own columns. 


The fact is, you cannot be who you are not. No more than a man can be arsed to put his pants in the wash basket when he has a woman silly enough to grumble about it and pick them up herself. No more than a woman can be bothered to keep herself in shape when her man stuffs himself stupid. It's human nature.


So when you are considering trying to change someone you love or respect... first try looking at yourself and whether someone would want to change you. Chances are that you are someone who would need to be changed.